Before you came to London, you must have had some idea what the city would look like: you imagined Big Ben, Parliament and a lovely little village called Notting Hill, where, according to that dream you had, you would meet Hugh Grant. No doubt you also thought of black taxi cabs and, of course, red buses. The London red bus is one of the most iconic symbols of the capital and it’s therefore no surprise that it was the centrepiece of the London segment of the closing ceremonies at the Beijing Olympics. Whether you study in Holborn or Shepherds Bush, I’m pretty sure that London buses are a part of your daily life here.
Now, you may have noticed that Londoners like to complain about things. They like to complain about every aspect of the city, whether it’s the tubes, the high cost of everything, the level of crime or, justifiably, the weather. But make no mistake: behind that whining facade, the people of this city are extremely proud of being Londoners and don’t like to hear anybody else criticise it – and this goes for buses as well as everything else. They’re not clean,they’re not safe, people come on blaring awful hiphop music on their phones, eating smelly food and often don’t even have the courtesy to offer their seat up to those less able to stand.
The bus system does come in for a lot of criticism, but I’m not going to add to it here. As a non-driver, I ride these rouge chariots daily and what I’d like to do is share with you some of the moments when the wit and good nature of the people of my adopted city have made the experience a pleasure, even when I thought it would be anything but.
I was on a night bus one Friday night and there was the usual post-pub party atmosphere, with strangers talking to each other freely and a general sense of bonhomie on the upper deck. Without warning, about five wannabe gangster types ascended the stairs and loudly plonked themselves down in the seats at the front. Within about ten seconds one of them had switched on some truly horrible rap song on his mobile, the only word of which I could understand was, ‘Bitch.’ You could sense that everybody was more than a little bit intimidated.
‘Oh no,’ I thought and I got ready to put on my iPod. But a chap a few seats ahead of me had other ideas. He too had a mobile phone and he stood up beside his girlfriend and started singing along to the tune his Nokia was playing; it was I Can’t Smile without You by Barry Manilow, a really cheesy love song from many years ago. Then something amazing happened.The whole upper deck started singing along! ‘ Ican’t laugh and I can’t sing. I’m finding it hard to do anything!’ It got louder with every word and the scary guys got off at the next stop. Everyone appluded the guy who’d started it off and he took a bow.
On another occasion I was standing in the central part of a bendy bus when a guy got on with a huge kebab and the smell filled the bus in a matter of moments. Now, don’t get me wrong: I LOVE kebabs: my huge stomach will attest to that, but on a bus I think it shows absolutely no respect for your fellow passengers-especially at six o’clock in the afternoon. However, this enthusiastic kebab-scoffer hadn’t counted on the mischief of two girls who were sitting two seats behind him: every time he lifted the kebab towards his mouth they started making extremely loud pig noises. Everyone started laughing and when he angrily turned around to see who was taunting him their faces became the picture of angelic, butter-wouldn’t-melt-in-their-mouths innocence. This happened three times before he gave up and put the offending sandwich away. Getting off the bus, I winked at the girls and they winked back.
There used to be an old guy- he must have been around 80- who proudly walked around Shepherds Bush wearing his old red army jacket with his medals polished and shining. I haven’t seen him for a couple of years, maybe he’s passed away, but I will never forget him because of something I saw him do on a packed 94 bus in August 2005. It wasn’t long after the terrible events of the 7th of July and regrettably there was a certain amount of animosity towards London’s Muslim community. A heavily pregnant lady wearing a burkha got on the bus and clearly needed to sit down. I was standing, so I couldn’t offer her my seat, but there were lots of young, able-bodied people who could and simply didn’t bother. One guy wearing an England football shirt even hissed at her. I felt tense, uncomfortable sad and angry watching the poor woman try to keep her balance. Then, clear as a bell, came a voice: it was the old guy who was sitting down on a seatnear me. ‘Madam! Madam!’ He slowly arose and gestured for the lady to sit down. She demurred. he insisted. Wordlessly, but with quiet, dignified gestures of gratitude, she sat down.
The old guy looked around at the generation whose freedom he and his comrades had fought and died for all those years ago and there was a look of profound disappointment in his eyes. The England t-shirt fellow ostentatiously stood up, saying, ‘Here mate. Have a seat.’
The old guy just looked at him, with contempt in his eyes…’Nah, son. I’m alright.’
When I got off the bus I wasn’t sure why I was crying.